But alas, there are things in life that you cannot escape no matter where you flee and Spam is one of them.
The funny thing is, there apparently is not a market for the "How to Enlarge your Manhood" spam here in Mexico. I dare not speculate why although I would very much like to know. I am however, too squeamish to even think of bringing up the issue with anyone, much less my Mexican pals who have internet access. Besides, I cannot even begin to figure out how to ask the question in Spanish-egad!--how on earth would I translate, "manhood"?
I am going to have a nightmare over that.
Anyway, I am getting Spam here in Mexico. They have finally found me. For the first year of being here in Guanajuato, we didn't have a computer but used the Internet Cafes. Now that we do, it is as if we have become a spaminator-magnet. Just how do they locate you?
I wish I had a Person-who-is-a-Spammer magnet so I could locate all the Spammers and then give them a good spam-slapping. This morning, I opened my hotmail account (Oh God! Do you think I've just tipped off more Spaminators by telling them I have a hotmail account?) and lo and behold, there was Spam waiting for me!
The subject line read "Miracle Burn". Miracle burn? This was the first time in my life I had ever heard of a burn being a miracle. No thank you, I thought, burns tend to hurt no matter if you call them a miracle or not. But, I had to see what this was so I opened the stupid e-mail. (Do you think opening the thing sends some secret, "We've got a sucker", signal, over the Internet, to the ones who sent this me in the first place? Is that how they do it?)
It turns out that this spam was talking about a fat-burning discovery hitherto unknown to anyone else on the planet. In all the history of humanity, just now-maybe even hours ago-someone discovered a new and unknown solution to burning fat off your overfed and overindulged fat body.
"Miracle Burn-The First Pill to Master the Art of Natural Weight Loss. Miracle Burn is the first and only weight loss pill to combine both patented Avantra Z and Hoodia." Let's stop here and ask,
"What the hell are Avantra Z and Hoodia"? They acted as if everyone should know what Avantra Z and Hoodia are. I had to look again at the ad since I thought "HOODIA" was some person from New Delhi, India, who was selling the stuff. So, I clicked on the ad (probably a BIG mistake).
Hoodia is supposed to be,
"?the most effective & natural appetite suppressant available. It contains a compound called 'P57', which is a molecule that makes you feel full."
Will you just imagine that! One little molecule will bloat you up like a toad so you won't want to go the Dunkin Donuts and wolf down a dozen or so of something gooey and wonderful.
I don't know about you but if someone offered me a dozen or so of compound "P57" (What does the "P" stand for-don't anyone dare write me and tell me!) or as it is commonly called, "Hoodia", I would turn and run the other way with a box of gooey glazed under my arm.
That is today's Spaminator story. I wonder what tomorrow may bring. In the meantime, I urge you to stay away from Hoodia or anything that even looks like a compound named "P57"!
Doug Bower is a freelance writer, Syndicated Columnist, and book author. His most recent writing credits include The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, The Houston Chronicle, The Philadelphia Inquirer, and Transitions Abroad. He is a columnist with Cricketsoda.com and more than 21 additional online magazines. He is also a writer with EzineArticles.com with a readership of almost 6,000. He lives with his wife in Guanajuato, Mexico. His newest books, Mexican Living: Blogging it from a Third World Country and The Plain Truth about Living in Mexico can be seen: CLICK HERE: <a target="_new" href="http://www.lulu.com/mexicanliving">http://www.lulu.com/mexicanliving</a>
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